Monsieur Fillon Heroically Speaks Madame Le Pen’s Mind

Home Page // Features // Monsieur Fillon Heroically Speaks Madame Le Pen’s Mind


Sometimes I think my thoughts

are being controlled remotely

by Sir Oswald Mosley’s late wife,

who lived many happy years

in the French countryside.


Everywhere I look

I see Jews I mean Muslems.

In the future armed police will be allowed

ask men of the Hebrew, sorry, Islamist variety

to remove their skull caps

and the women their hair,

to make sure they’re hiding nothing

under them.


Any court which attempts to prevent this

will be overruled by President Moi.


Those we know are plotting against us,

but against whom we, as of yet,

have no evidence, will be held

at processing plants

on the outskirts of Marseille

or on the rockier side of Elba,

until they’re no longer able

to do anything to anyone.


Any extremists caught poisoning wells

will be dropped from helicopters

hovering over the less scenic parts

of the Algerian desert.


All practising Rabbis, sorry, Imams

will be made take a state exam

to ensure they’re no longer

encouraging children in their care

to take over the world and make us

their sex slaves.


To the enemas of liberty and La Republique

I say this: as President

I will construct a machine

to monitor the formation of your thoughts,

so we’ll know what you’re cooking up for us

before you’ve even gone to market to get

those screaming Tunisian chillies.