Sometimes I think my thoughts
are being controlled remotely
by Sir Oswald Mosley’s late wife,
who lived many happy years
in the French countryside.
Everywhere I look
I see Jews I mean Muslems.
In the future armed police will be allowed
ask men of the Hebrew, sorry, Islamist variety
to remove their skull caps
and the women their hair,
to make sure they’re hiding nothing
Any court which attempts to prevent this
will be overruled by President Moi.
Those we know are plotting against us,
but against whom we, as of yet,
have no evidence, will be held
at processing plants
on the outskirts of Marseille
or on the rockier side of Elba,
until they’re no longer able
to do anything to anyone.
Any extremists caught poisoning wells
will be dropped from helicopters
hovering over the less scenic parts
of the Algerian desert.
All practising Rabbis, sorry, Imams
will be made take a state exam
to ensure they’re no longer
encouraging children in their care
to take over the world and make us
their sex slaves.
To the enemas of liberty and La Republique
I say this: as President
I will construct a machine
to monitor the formation of your thoughts,
so we’ll know what you’re cooking up for us
before you’ve even gone to market to get
those screaming Tunisian chillies.