Features

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The Great Trade Up

Jan
2018
25

Features, Uncategorized

 

It is written that the traditional,

wind-blown, mongrel

who herded us of old

would be traded in

for the one who calls himself

Lion; is in the gym

every a.m. by six, furiously

admiring his pelt

of pure gold.

 

That a man whose political base

was two elderly brothers who both ate

their excessively buttered spuds

off the same cracked plate

to save on the washing up;

would make way for a guy

who eats his artisanal

cauliflower and pickles

off a bespoke slate

his assistant happily carries

everywhere on his behalf.

 

And when the word was made reality

the people and their gods

saw it was progress to be rid

of a rural accent best suited

to pub chat about the match

between Galway and Mayo

and before this progress

we bowed and gave thanks.

 

Far better that next time the person in charge

is forced to broadcast from his (or her) life boat

to tell us that, sadly, we’re all dead,

it be done by one who in the womb

was already solving complex accountancy conundrums;

whose first words were “team of management consultants”

when, about half an hour ago,

he emerged to general applause.

KEVIN HIGGINS

Uncategorized

To ask the Minister for Communications, Climate Action and Environment his views on plans by a waste company (details supplied) to levy hefty fines on customers for contaminated waste in view of the fact that the same company’s terms and conditions forbids tampering with bins, meaning locks to same cannot be affixed, and therefore persons cannot fully control the type of waste that may be placed in their bins by third parties on the street  – Clare Daly.
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