Archive for the ‘Features’ Category


Emperor Caligula was  credited  with appointing his favourite horse as Consul. Kevin Higgins reckons our great Emperor Enda is more of the piebald pony pedigree as he prepares for re-election…

The Case for The Re-Election of Caligula’s Piebald Pony

He’s put the I back into Ireland, taken us far

in the right direction;

made this once again a country fit

for Sister Stan to have visions

of equality in. He has worked

with our European partners

to put an end to the centuries young history

of misunderstanding between the peoples

of Burma and Bolivia,

and brokered a Christmas truce

between Loughrea and Portumna

junior hurling teams so,

if it wasn’t for the threat of more flooding,

the people of those towns would now

be safely walking the streets,

like they did in his father’s time.


Despite the difficulties he’s faced,

and those he’s not faced,

he’s worked all the days and nights it took

to make sure that in our capital city

every child below a certain threshold

has a modest hotel room in which

to grow up and dream

of one day letting in

the goal that finally wins

Mayo the All Ireland, made sure

even the least valuable among us

has a pavement on which to lay

his or her troubled skull.


If re-elected to office, he will personally

give every pensioner

over the age of eighty,

still living in their own home,

a free Brazilian

to help them with the washing up,

or when needs be, the hoovering.


He is committed, or should be,

to providing you the people of this island,

which he understands you call ‘Ireland’,

with new challenges in the form

of more heart attacks, traffic and pressure

on public transport.


If he could speak,

which we hope he one day will,

he’d ask you – the plain people

of up and down this country – to please

have as much faith in him,

as his investors continue to do.



Features, Justice, Prisoners

Mick Wallace, an independent, democratically elected public representative in Ireland’s first house of Parliament, has been arrested and will be brought to Limerick Prison. The reason for his arrest was his attempt, along with Clare Daly TD, to inspect US military planes at Shannon. As his actions were undertaken entirely in the pursuit of peace, Shannonwatch calls for his immediate release.
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Features, International

Premature Elegy for Hilary Benn

A chandelier accent

comes galloping to the aid

of things as they must remain.

A perfect bag of air, with a mouth

that can sound out the word



He heroically picks up the test-tube

to pour out the blood of others.

He believes, passionately, in allies

the Prime Minister invented

while smoking a large herbal cigarette

Boris gave him the other morning;

perseveres, stoically, when those

who, in traditional times,

didn’t have telephones

call his office to tell his staff

what he is, or say the truth

about him on Twitbook.


Eventually, he’ll go upstairs

to not sit at the right hand

of his father, who’ll be too busy

trying to light his pipe,

or having a difference of emphasis

with the late Vladimir Lenin

over a ginormous mug of tea,

to be bothered with Junior’s excuses


for having spent

his final years on Earth

in a vast red robe

banging on the door

of the House of Lords,

shouting for someone to, please,

let him in.



Features, National

2 planes

Two KC10 mid air refuelling warplanes at Shannon 25/10/2015

by Shannonwatch

Last Wednesday 21 October six US marine corps F18 Hornet fighter aircraft were making the journey from the Middle East back to the USA via the UK. One of these F18 aircraft crashed in Cambridgeshire reportedly after failing to make a mid air refuelling linkup. These six F18 fighters had most likely been involved in bombing campaigns in the Middle East. They had travelled from Bahrain. We don’t know why there were returning to the US – it may have been for upgrading. The pilot of the crashed jet ejected but was killed.
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