Archive for the ‘Features’ Category
–“Less despair”, Fergus O’Dowd TD
These past few years you’ve been through
days of general terribleness.
We’ve been here (or hereabouts).
Recent studies show slightly less
despair in people’s hearts,
and in other parts of their anatomies too;
that we’ve succeeded
in temporarily reducing
the number of new cases
of tuberculosis and cholera
among the insignificant.
by Jamison Maeda
For those who have never experienced an earthquake, let me describe what it’s like.
It’s loud. When the building you’re in, and everything inside of it moves, it is loud. There is no warning. No ominous clouds, no sirens. Suddenly the room you’re in begins to move. At first, your mind tries to understand the situation. What’s that noise? Is the desk shaking? Then you realize it’s an earthquake. Your instinct is to run out of the building. When the ground stops shaking, you wonder when the next one will hit. Next week? Next month? For the people of Oklahoma, the next one will be later that day.
From Edward Horgan, Shannon Watch
At Shannon airport yesterday 7th January, the car parks were more than half empty. The showers of hail, rain, and the wind seemed to epitomise a failed airport project. Over the years our Dublin based, and Dublin orientated governments have stripped the economic life out of Shannon airport in favour of Dublin airport, and used US military flights and up to three million US soldiers to massage the passenger figures using Shannon airport. I note that just before Christmas, Airport CEO, Neil Parkey, did not have his contract renewed – no reason given. Prior to coming to Shannon three years ago he had been very successful as Manager of Liverpool John Lennon Airport.
Emperor Caligula was credited with appointing his favourite horse as Consul. Kevin Higgins reckons our great Emperor Enda is more of the piebald pony pedigree as he prepares for re-election…
The Case for The Re-Election of Caligula’s Piebald Pony
He’s put the I back into Ireland, taken us far
in the right direction;
made this once again a country fit
for Sister Stan to have visions
of equality in. He has worked
with our European partners
to put an end to the centuries young history
of misunderstanding between the peoples
of Burma and Bolivia,
and brokered a Christmas truce
between Loughrea and Portumna
junior hurling teams so,
if it wasn’t for the threat of more flooding,
the people of those towns would now
be safely walking the streets,
like they did in his father’s time.
Despite the difficulties he’s faced,
and those he’s not faced,
he’s worked all the days and nights it took
to make sure that in our capital city
every child below a certain threshold
has a modest hotel room in which
to grow up and dream
of one day letting in
the goal that finally wins
Mayo the All Ireland, made sure
even the least valuable among us
has a pavement on which to lay
his or her troubled skull.
If re-elected to office, he will personally
give every pensioner
over the age of eighty,
still living in their own home,
a free Brazilian
to help them with the washing up,
or when needs be, the hoovering.
He is committed, or should be,
to providing you the people of this island,
which he understands you call ‘Ireland’,
with new challenges in the form
of more heart attacks, traffic and pressure
on public transport.
If he could speak,
which we hope he one day will,
he’d ask you – the plain people
of up and down this country – to please
have as much faith in him,
as his investors continue to do.