Features

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Features

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“Less despair”, Fergus O’Dowd TD

These past few years you’ve been through
days of general terribleness.
We’ve been here (or hereabouts).
Recent studies show slightly less
despair in people’s hearts,
and in other parts of their anatomies too;
that we’ve succeeded
in temporarily reducing
the number of new cases
of tuberculosis and cholera
among the insignificant.
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Features, International

by Jamison Maeda

For those who have never experienced an earthquake, let me describe what it’s like.

It’s loud. When the building you’re in, and everything inside of it moves, it is loud. There is no warning. No ominous clouds, no sirens. Suddenly the room you’re in begins to move. At first, your mind tries to understand the situation. What’s that noise? Is the desk shaking? Then you realize it’s an earthquake. Your instinct is to run out of the building. When the ground stops shaking, you wonder when the next one will hit. Next week? Next month? For the people of Oklahoma, the next one will be later that day.
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Features, National

From Edward Horgan, Shannon Watch

Hello all, 5313

At Shannon airport yesterday 7th January, the car parks were more than half empty. The showers of hail, rain, and the wind seemed to epitomise a failed airport project. Over the years our Dublin based, and Dublin orientated governments have stripped the economic life out of Shannon airport in favour of Dublin airport, and used US military flights and up to three million US soldiers to massage the passenger figures using Shannon airport. I note that just before Christmas, Airport CEO, Neil Parkey, did not have his contract renewed – no reason given. Prior to coming to Shannon three years ago he had been very successful as Manager of Liverpool John Lennon Airport.

IMAGINE.
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Features

Emperor Caligula was  credited  with appointing his favourite horse as Consul. Kevin Higgins reckons our great Emperor Enda is more of the piebald pony pedigree as he prepares for re-election…

The Case for The Re-Election of Caligula’s Piebald Pony

He’s put the I back into Ireland, taken us far

in the right direction;

made this once again a country fit

for Sister Stan to have visions

of equality in. He has worked

with our European partners

to put an end to the centuries young history

of misunderstanding between the peoples

of Burma and Bolivia,

and brokered a Christmas truce

between Loughrea and Portumna

junior hurling teams so,

if it wasn’t for the threat of more flooding,

the people of those towns would now

be safely walking the streets,

like they did in his father’s time.

 

Despite the difficulties he’s faced,

and those he’s not faced,

he’s worked all the days and nights it took

to make sure that in our capital city

every child below a certain threshold

has a modest hotel room in which

to grow up and dream

of one day letting in

the goal that finally wins

Mayo the All Ireland, made sure

even the least valuable among us

has a pavement on which to lay

his or her troubled skull.

 

If re-elected to office, he will personally

give every pensioner

over the age of eighty,

still living in their own home,

a free Brazilian

to help them with the washing up,

or when needs be, the hoovering.

 

He is committed, or should be,

to providing you the people of this island,

which he understands you call ‘Ireland’,

with new challenges in the form

of more heart attacks, traffic and pressure

on public transport.

 

If he could speak,

which we hope he one day will,

he’d ask you – the plain people

of up and down this country – to please

have as much faith in him,

as his investors continue to do.

 

KEVIN HIGGINS